lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
