I hate all girls vehemently.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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