how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
