So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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