at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
