omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
