Are we in a gay sports bar?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
