Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
