Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize