I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
