Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
