no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
