My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If I had your ass I would rule the world
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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