I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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