I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I died a long time ago.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
