I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
