If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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