Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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