I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize