it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
