Betty ford says i'm here all night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
