After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
