through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
