so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
