Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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