Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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