**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
