im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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