can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
