your thong is hanging out like whoa
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
