my mouth tastes like poor choices
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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