okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
