just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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