If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
