Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
