Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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