so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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