you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
