I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
