And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
