dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
