Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's Friday. Sex?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
