someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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