Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
