god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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