dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
