I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
