you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
