her vagine was all disorganized.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
