My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize