you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
