You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
