coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
