just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
