sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
