Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
