Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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