wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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