My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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