The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize