What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
