i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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