In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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