yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
