I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
