When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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