Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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