Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
