Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
