I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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