Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
