Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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