College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
