There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
