your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
