Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
