I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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