I've blown a few things in my day
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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