You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
