real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my phone needs a breathalizer
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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